Monday, February 26, 2018

Navigating Motherhood

This baby of mine is the best thing ever. I say at least 100 times a day how cute he is, and sometimes I just can't handle it. I want to squeeze him to pieces. It is impossible to explain how deep my love for him is, and I have never seen a more precious face on this earth. Those teeth are the most adorable thing ever, and his blonde big-boy hair is my favorite. I am obsessed.

It is funny because I used to think I didn't want to be that mom who was obsessed with her kid(s). There was a time (before he existed) when I didn't want my life to completely revolve around my child, and I was afraid of losing my identity in just being mom. But there is so much more to it than that. There is no such thing as being "just mom". Being mom is the greatest thing ever. Is it hard? Yep, but I am pretty sure there is a saying about how the hardest things are usually the sweetest or something like that. In this case it is true. I am okay with my life revolving around my kid because you know what? I made him. I chose this life, and I owe it to him to give him the best care I can. That requires a lot of my time and attention, but at this stage in our lives, I think that is necessary and best.

All that to say, I think it is so important not to lose ourselves. It is important to take care of ourselves so that we can be our best selves. It has taken me a while to get my footing, and some days are definitely better than others. Some weeks we feel like we are finding our stride. Other weeks we both cry.  The first several months of his life I just held him. We snuggled, he slept, I smiled. He fought sleep more and more as he got a little older, and I cried a lot of tears. I thought I might lose my mind when he refused to nap for what seemed like 4 years, and then I decided I needed to do something for myself. I decided that I could take on the business that I had been thinking about for some time so I got the equipment, set up my site, and threw myself into it. Then I was spending all my weekends and evenings working and not spending time with my people. I stepped away and decided I was okay with being mom and focusing on that role for a while. I feel that I have found a good fit (notice I don't use the word balance because that is basically the unicorn of motherhood) with blogging. I am still spending time with my boys, but when Henry naps or they both fall asleep early I can enjoy some quiet time baring my soul and sharing my newest project here with you all.

To all you new mamas, it is hard. Phases come and go, tears are cried, but just know it is worth it. I am still a new mama myself, but you are forced to learn quickly. Priorities shift, stress cookies are just happens, and that is okay. Find what works for you, and don't look back. If that looks like going back to work, do it. If that looks like working from home, do it. If that looks like leaving the baby with your mother-in-law once a week so you can paint your bedroom wall navy blue on a Tuesday afternoon, do it. It may take a while, but you will find your fit. In the meantime, just hold your baby and thank God for the bittersweet taste of motherhood.


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