Thursday, January 18, 2018

Shifting Gears

You may have noticed that things have been pretty dead around here. No new tees. No Black Friday deals. No new designs for the holidays.

During what is typically the busiest time of year for any maker, I was totally absent. For a long time I felt guilty about it, but then I reality-checked myself. Why should I feel guilty? I don't owe anyone anything. Who am I doing this for anyway? When I realized that I only felt guilty because of what I felt like I should be doing, I also realized that none of it really mattered, and I took a good look at what did.

I hadn't been at my new business very long when it was already taking its toll. Any day that I had a babysitter was spent making tees. Every "free" Saturday my husband was on baby duty while I was teaching a workshop. Every evening was spent thinking about the next design while still fulfilling orders for the most recent one.

I admire those "boss ladies" out there who are driven and determined and can make it work with kiddos at home, but I am just not one of them. It just doesn't work for me and for our family right now. Maybe it is because my child has been walking since 10 months old and has taken like 2 naps in the last 4 months. Maybe it is because I just didn't try hard enough. Or maybe it is because I have found the value in spending my free time with my family instead of trying to get ahead. Maybe it is because I would rather spend time talking with my husband at night instead of trying not to wake the baby while I work. Maybe it is because I realized that I will have time to push and work hard later in life, but this time is fleeting. I want to make the most of it, even on days when I want to pull my hair out. Even after I was comfortable with my decision, I was further validated when a good friend shared, "I struggled with that for a while too, until I realized I can still have it all...just not all at the same time." (Adriane, I'm looking at you.)

I don't have to do it all right now. Right now I feel that my calling is to spend my days with my sweet boy who is growing faster than I can handle and to spend any time possible with my hardworking husband. My baby boy needs me right now, and my husband and I need each other to stay sane. This is a phase of life, and though I can't stand to think of it now, there will be a time when my baby won't need me as much. There will be a time when it is just my husband and I, and maybe then I will use my free time to hustle...but right now I am a wife and a mama, and that is exactly what I want to be.

Don't get me desire to create and craft and make and build and paint all the things is still very much present. I just have to prioritize my life, and it actually feels really good to do some things for me. Instead of creating a product, I have completed a few projects around the house. Those things are really important since home is where I spend my days, so I may be sharing more of those things in this space. I do hope to share a bedroom makeover that is in the works, a gallery wall project, and a kitchen mini-redo, but if I don't post about those things online, I will still enjoy them while staying home and snuggling (sometimes wrestling) my favorite blonde haired boy.


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